Vetter Verstörend Vertraut portrayed by Jonathan Wayshak
When Vetter NullFreund was only five years old he not only towered over his kindergarten classmates, but he topped the height of the headmaster too. Over the subsequent years, he continued to grow at an abnormal pace and was often mistaken for a full-grown man. It was no surprise to the family when he left home to join Königs Foreign Legion at the tender age of nine.
Due to his gargantuan size, he was the perfect candidate to steady the canons, and when necessary, assist the horses pulling the wagons from the mud. No one is certain how many times he was kicked in the head by an irritable steed or knocked cold by errant artillery fire, but shifts in the young Vetter NullFreund’s perspective were clear.
At first, his quirks were easy to ignore, but in time he grew restless and stopped using full sentences (presumably to save time). Then much to his supervisor’s dismay, he reconfigured all of the communication devices to “listen to the other side.” He was formally dismissed from the Legion when he repainted the fire brigade wagon red with what was discovered to not be paint at all. 
He soon disappeared and his whereabouts were unknown.
After years of fearing for the worst, the family discovered he had actually returned home immediately upon his discharge. Instead of wandering the land as they had suspected, he had boarded himself up in his room and had trained a small black cat to bring him food and water via the wall crawl spaces. 
The family was thrilled to have him home and understood his desire for a “comfortable environment.” Affectionately, they soon began calling him Vetter Verstörend Vertraut (Cousin Strangely Familiar). Wishing to respect his privacy they largely left him alone, however, concerned for his health they devised a means in which to provide him protein rich foods, and on occasion, they delivered him playthings to help occupy his mind. 
~
If you’d like to feel the awkward gaze of Vetter Verstörend Vertraut on a daily basis please visit ZeroFriends for prints.
via Ransom & Mitchell Vetter Verstörend Vertraut portrayed by Jonathan Wayshak
When Vetter NullFreund was only five years old he not only towered over his kindergarten classmates, but he topped the height of the headmaster too. Over the subsequent years, he continued to grow at an abnormal pace and was often mistaken for a full-grown man. It was no surprise to the family when he left home to join Königs Foreign Legion at the tender age of nine.
Due to his gargantuan size, he was the perfect candidate to steady the canons, and when necessary, assist the horses pulling the wagons from the mud. No one is certain how many times he was kicked in the head by an irritable steed or knocked cold by errant artillery fire, but shifts in the young Vetter NullFreund’s perspective were clear.
At first, his quirks were easy to ignore, but in time he grew restless and stopped using full sentences (presumably to save time). Then much to his supervisor’s dismay, he reconfigured all of the communication devices to “listen to the other side.” He was formally dismissed from the Legion when he repainted the fire brigade wagon red with what was discovered to not be paint at all. 
He soon disappeared and his whereabouts were unknown.
After years of fearing for the worst, the family discovered he had actually returned home immediately upon his discharge. Instead of wandering the land as they had suspected, he had boarded himself up in his room and had trained a small black cat to bring him food and water via the wall crawl spaces. 
The family was thrilled to have him home and understood his desire for a “comfortable environment.” Affectionately, they soon began calling him Vetter Verstörend Vertraut (Cousin Strangely Familiar). Wishing to respect his privacy they largely left him alone, however, concerned for his health they devised a means in which to provide him protein rich foods, and on occasion, they delivered him playthings to help occupy his mind. 
~
If you’d like to feel the awkward gaze of Vetter Verstörend Vertraut on a daily basis please visit ZeroFriends for prints.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Vetter Verstörend Vertraut portrayed by Jonathan Wayshak

When Vetter NullFreund was only five years old he not only towered over his kindergarten classmates, but he topped the height of the headmaster too. Over the subsequent years, he continued to grow at an abnormal pace and was often mistaken for a full-grown man. It was no surprise to the family when he left home to join Königs Foreign Legion at the tender age of nine.

Due to his gargantuan size, he was the perfect candidate to steady the canons, and when necessary, assist the horses pulling the wagons from the mud. No one is certain how many times he was kicked in the head by an irritable steed or knocked cold by errant artillery fire, but shifts in the young Vetter NullFreund’s perspective were clear.

At first, his quirks were easy to ignore, but in time he grew restless and stopped using full sentences (presumably to save time). Then much to his supervisor’s dismay, he reconfigured all of the communication devices to “listen to the other side.” He was formally dismissed from the Legion when he repainted the fire brigade wagon red with what was discovered to not be paint at all. 

He soon disappeared and his whereabouts were unknown.

After years of fearing for the worst, the family discovered he had actually returned home immediately upon his discharge. Instead of wandering the land as they had suspected, he had boarded himself up in his room and had trained a small black cat to bring him food and water via the wall crawl spaces. 

The family was thrilled to have him home and understood his desire for a “comfortable environment.” Affectionately, they soon began calling him Vetter Verstörend Vertraut (Cousin Strangely Familiar). Wishing to respect his privacy they largely left him alone, however, concerned for his health they devised a means in which to provide him protein rich foods, and on occasion, they delivered him playthings to help occupy his mind. 

~

If you’d like to feel the awkward gaze of Vetter Verstörend Vertraut on a daily basis please visit ZeroFriends for prints.

via Ransom & Mitchell

Doktor Schrecken Monstrum portrayed by Dave Correia
Doktor NullFreund had long been the favored general practitioner and barber for the local village, largely due to his willingness to perform discreet late night house calls. In the early years he was content with this simple life, but all this changed during a family trip to a remote mountainous region (now known as Slovakia).
It was there that he encountered a nomadic group of beings that possessed ever replenishing supernumerary teeth. (Whether or not they were humans has been lost to public record.) One of individuals had a nasty abscess that needed urgent care. According to the Doktor’s notes, upon extraction, he witnessed another tooth slide immediately into the rotten ones old place. He saved the original gnarled specimen and (for enjoyment) convinced a few more patients to allow dental work so he might obtain more souvenirs.
The group was deeply impressed with The Dokotr’s deft skills and expedient procedures. Legend soon spread amongst the underground that a gifted surgeon was available to address even the most troublesome cases.
Interesting characters from far and wide soon began to show up at the doorstep of the NullFreund house. The anxious villagers looking upon the house from afar would whisper the names of these visitors - names oft reserved for mythology. The simple townsfolk also began to refer to the good Doktor as Schrecken Monstrum (Doctor Horror Monster), a nickname of which he grew rather fond.
~
Do you wish you could see the dentist everyday? If so, you may purchase prints of Schrecken Monstrum at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell Doktor Schrecken Monstrum portrayed by Dave Correia
Doktor NullFreund had long been the favored general practitioner and barber for the local village, largely due to his willingness to perform discreet late night house calls. In the early years he was content with this simple life, but all this changed during a family trip to a remote mountainous region (now known as Slovakia).
It was there that he encountered a nomadic group of beings that possessed ever replenishing supernumerary teeth. (Whether or not they were humans has been lost to public record.) One of individuals had a nasty abscess that needed urgent care. According to the Doktor’s notes, upon extraction, he witnessed another tooth slide immediately into the rotten ones old place. He saved the original gnarled specimen and (for enjoyment) convinced a few more patients to allow dental work so he might obtain more souvenirs.
The group was deeply impressed with The Dokotr’s deft skills and expedient procedures. Legend soon spread amongst the underground that a gifted surgeon was available to address even the most troublesome cases.
Interesting characters from far and wide soon began to show up at the doorstep of the NullFreund house. The anxious villagers looking upon the house from afar would whisper the names of these visitors - names oft reserved for mythology. The simple townsfolk also began to refer to the good Doktor as Schrecken Monstrum (Doctor Horror Monster), a nickname of which he grew rather fond.
~
Do you wish you could see the dentist everyday? If so, you may purchase prints of Schrecken Monstrum at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Doktor Schrecken Monstrum portrayed by Dave Correia

Doktor NullFreund had long been the favored general practitioner and barber for the local village, largely due to his willingness to perform discreet late night house calls. In the early years he was content with this simple life, but all this changed during a family trip to a remote mountainous region (now known as Slovakia).

It was there that he encountered a nomadic group of beings that possessed ever replenishing supernumerary teeth. (Whether or not they were humans has been lost to public record.) One of individuals had a nasty abscess that needed urgent care. According to the Doktor’s notes, upon extraction, he witnessed another tooth slide immediately into the rotten ones old place. He saved the original gnarled specimen and (for enjoyment) convinced a few more patients to allow dental work so he might obtain more souvenirs.

The group was deeply impressed with The Dokotr’s deft skills and expedient procedures. Legend soon spread amongst the underground that a gifted surgeon was available to address even the most troublesome cases.

Interesting characters from far and wide soon began to show up at the doorstep of the NullFreund house. The anxious villagers looking upon the house from afar would whisper the names of these visitors - names oft reserved for mythology. The simple townsfolk also began to refer to the good Doktor as Schrecken Monstrum (Doctor Horror Monster), a nickname of which he grew rather fond.

~

Do you wish you could see the dentist everyday? If so, you may purchase prints of Schrecken Monstrum at ZeroFriends.

via Ransom & Mitchell

Bruder Hausmeister portrayed by Skinner
When Bruder NullFreund was a spirited young man, he would roam the countryside of the family estate in search of Belladonna berries to “elevate his mind.” On one particular outing, after consuming a rather large handful of the sweet fruit, he became suddenly aware he was not alone. He began to run with fear, crashing through the bramble sensing that doom was upon him. 
He could hear the footfalls of a great beast pounding the ground, growing ever closer. When at last, his scratched and weary body could go no further, he whirled to face his tormentor and found looming above him a fierce horned creature. Its breath was heavy from exertion and its clawed hands drug upon the ground. The lumbering beast stepped forward and lifted his hands towards Bruder who in a state of panic picked up the largest rock he could find and hurled it at the creature’s head.
At once, the beast toppled over and began to whimper. Confused, Bruder nervously inched closer, carefully avoiding the clawed hands that were softly scratching the dirt. He looked into the beast’s watery eyes and saw not malice, but instead, sadness. Drawing ever closer, he heard the creature whisper like a child, “Ich will…. dein Freund sein….,” (I want…. be your friend…), and then with a great sigh, the creature expired. 
Realizing what had transpired, Bruder was devastated. His head still buzzing from the effects of the Belladonna, he vowed to honor this felled creature and never make the same mistake. He quickly skinned the beast and fashioned a horned hat with its remains, which he wore from that day foreword. 
He formerly changed his name to Bruder Hausmeister (Brother Caretaker) and converted the family wine cellar into an expansive network of gated rooms. He then opened up the doors to the beasts of the region as a safe house where they could be protected against the bloodthirsty mob rule of the day. 
Never again would the Werwölfe, Rübezahl or Nachtkrapp need to hide from the unkind, torch-bearing commoners. Behind Bruder Hausmeister’s locked doors, they would always be safe.
~
Would you like for Bruder Hausmeister to come live with you? If so, please visit ZeroFriends for prints. He doesn’t use much water and he’s very good with pets.
via Ransom & Mitchell Bruder Hausmeister portrayed by Skinner
When Bruder NullFreund was a spirited young man, he would roam the countryside of the family estate in search of Belladonna berries to “elevate his mind.” On one particular outing, after consuming a rather large handful of the sweet fruit, he became suddenly aware he was not alone. He began to run with fear, crashing through the bramble sensing that doom was upon him. 
He could hear the footfalls of a great beast pounding the ground, growing ever closer. When at last, his scratched and weary body could go no further, he whirled to face his tormentor and found looming above him a fierce horned creature. Its breath was heavy from exertion and its clawed hands drug upon the ground. The lumbering beast stepped forward and lifted his hands towards Bruder who in a state of panic picked up the largest rock he could find and hurled it at the creature’s head.
At once, the beast toppled over and began to whimper. Confused, Bruder nervously inched closer, carefully avoiding the clawed hands that were softly scratching the dirt. He looked into the beast’s watery eyes and saw not malice, but instead, sadness. Drawing ever closer, he heard the creature whisper like a child, “Ich will…. dein Freund sein….,” (I want…. be your friend…), and then with a great sigh, the creature expired. 
Realizing what had transpired, Bruder was devastated. His head still buzzing from the effects of the Belladonna, he vowed to honor this felled creature and never make the same mistake. He quickly skinned the beast and fashioned a horned hat with its remains, which he wore from that day foreword. 
He formerly changed his name to Bruder Hausmeister (Brother Caretaker) and converted the family wine cellar into an expansive network of gated rooms. He then opened up the doors to the beasts of the region as a safe house where they could be protected against the bloodthirsty mob rule of the day. 
Never again would the Werwölfe, Rübezahl or Nachtkrapp need to hide from the unkind, torch-bearing commoners. Behind Bruder Hausmeister’s locked doors, they would always be safe.
~
Would you like for Bruder Hausmeister to come live with you? If so, please visit ZeroFriends for prints. He doesn’t use much water and he’s very good with pets.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Bruder Hausmeister portrayed by Skinner

When Bruder NullFreund was a spirited young man, he would roam the countryside of the family estate in search of Belladonna berries to “elevate his mind.” On one particular outing, after consuming a rather large handful of the sweet fruit, he became suddenly aware he was not alone. He began to run with fear, crashing through the bramble sensing that doom was upon him. 

He could hear the footfalls of a great beast pounding the ground, growing ever closer. When at last, his scratched and weary body could go no further, he whirled to face his tormentor and found looming above him a fierce horned creature. Its breath was heavy from exertion and its clawed hands drug upon the ground. The lumbering beast stepped forward and lifted his hands towards Bruder who in a state of panic picked up the largest rock he could find and hurled it at the creature’s head.

At once, the beast toppled over and began to whimper. Confused, Bruder nervously inched closer, carefully avoiding the clawed hands that were softly scratching the dirt. He looked into the beast’s watery eyes and saw not malice, but instead, sadness. Drawing ever closer, he heard the creature whisper like a child, “Ich will…. dein Freund sein….,” (I want…. be your friend…), and then with a great sigh, the creature expired. 

Realizing what had transpired, Bruder was devastated. His head still buzzing from the effects of the Belladonna, he vowed to honor this felled creature and never make the same mistake. He quickly skinned the beast and fashioned a horned hat with its remains, which he wore from that day foreword. 

He formerly changed his name to Bruder Hausmeister (Brother Caretaker) and converted the family wine cellar into an expansive network of gated rooms. He then opened up the doors to the beasts of the region as a safe house where they could be protected against the bloodthirsty mob rule of the day. 

Never again would the Werwölfe, Rübezahl or Nachtkrapp need to hide from the unkind, torch-bearing commoners. Behind Bruder Hausmeister’s locked doors, they would always be safe.

~

Would you like for Bruder Hausmeister to come live with you? If so, please visit ZeroFriends for prints. He doesn’t use much water and he’s very good with pets.

via Ransom & Mitchell

Meister Tier Verstärken portrayed by Robert Bowen
Meister NullFreund, who preferred the name, Meister Tier Verstärken, (Master Strengthen Animal) was a solemn man. He fancied himself a silent warrior who could relate to the oppression that animals suffered, and he strove to invent a means in which they might rise up from their lower status. 
He toiled endlessly in the workshop hidden deep beneath the NullFreund estate without success until he inadvertently discovered a strange elixir bubbling deep within the earth. He quickly discovered it was the potent fuel he needed to allow his improbable inventions to come to life. 
He had begun experimenting with stroke engines (unsettling, noisy devices that no one of his day could grasp) and he soon discovered that with this elixir, his mechanisms could be merged with the remains of animals to create a hybridized being the likes of which had never been seen.
During this time, Meister Tier Verstärken spent most of his days locked in his workshop, but on occasion he would silently visit the local animal petting zoo. He was of course quite fond of the pets, but it was the daughter of the zoo keeper who held his fancy. 
She was a sparkling girl, whose gentle eyes and kind nature soothed his restless soul. However, he was so shy, that for many months she was scarcely aware of his presence. In time, she began to regard him kindly, and to encourage his visits, she would leave small bags of millet on the family doorstep so he might come and quietly feed the animals by her side. Their friendship blossomed and their affection for each other soon grew apparent.
It was therefore with great dismay that he arrived one day to find her weeping over the body of her favorite deer. It had been unfortunately beheaded when the barn’s copper weather vane was struck by lightening and it came crashing to the barnyard, slicing cleanly through the young buck’s neck. 
Without a second thought, Meister Tier Verstärken scooped the hapless creature up in his arms and swept it back to his workshop where he performed a most curious surgery that was heralded by his beloved (and her father) as a remarkable achievement. Despite the advanced nature of his work, it was considered too macabre and sadly never caught on with mainstream society.
~
If you’d like for Meister Tier Verstärken to quietly spend time with your family pets, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell Meister Tier Verstärken portrayed by Robert Bowen
Meister NullFreund, who preferred the name, Meister Tier Verstärken, (Master Strengthen Animal) was a solemn man. He fancied himself a silent warrior who could relate to the oppression that animals suffered, and he strove to invent a means in which they might rise up from their lower status. 
He toiled endlessly in the workshop hidden deep beneath the NullFreund estate without success until he inadvertently discovered a strange elixir bubbling deep within the earth. He quickly discovered it was the potent fuel he needed to allow his improbable inventions to come to life. 
He had begun experimenting with stroke engines (unsettling, noisy devices that no one of his day could grasp) and he soon discovered that with this elixir, his mechanisms could be merged with the remains of animals to create a hybridized being the likes of which had never been seen.
During this time, Meister Tier Verstärken spent most of his days locked in his workshop, but on occasion he would silently visit the local animal petting zoo. He was of course quite fond of the pets, but it was the daughter of the zoo keeper who held his fancy. 
She was a sparkling girl, whose gentle eyes and kind nature soothed his restless soul. However, he was so shy, that for many months she was scarcely aware of his presence. In time, she began to regard him kindly, and to encourage his visits, she would leave small bags of millet on the family doorstep so he might come and quietly feed the animals by her side. Their friendship blossomed and their affection for each other soon grew apparent.
It was therefore with great dismay that he arrived one day to find her weeping over the body of her favorite deer. It had been unfortunately beheaded when the barn’s copper weather vane was struck by lightening and it came crashing to the barnyard, slicing cleanly through the young buck’s neck. 
Without a second thought, Meister Tier Verstärken scooped the hapless creature up in his arms and swept it back to his workshop where he performed a most curious surgery that was heralded by his beloved (and her father) as a remarkable achievement. Despite the advanced nature of his work, it was considered too macabre and sadly never caught on with mainstream society.
~
If you’d like for Meister Tier Verstärken to quietly spend time with your family pets, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Meister Tier Verstärken portrayed by Robert Bowen

Meister NullFreund, who preferred the name, Meister Tier Verstärken, (Master Strengthen Animal) was a solemn man. He fancied himself a silent warrior who could relate to the oppression that animals suffered, and he strove to invent a means in which they might rise up from their lower status. 

He toiled endlessly in the workshop hidden deep beneath the NullFreund estate without success until he inadvertently discovered a strange elixir bubbling deep within the earth. He quickly discovered it was the potent fuel he needed to allow his improbable inventions to come to life. 

He had begun experimenting with stroke engines (unsettling, noisy devices that no one of his day could grasp) and he soon discovered that with this elixir, his mechanisms could be merged with the remains of animals to create a hybridized being the likes of which had never been seen.

During this time, Meister Tier Verstärken spent most of his days locked in his workshop, but on occasion he would silently visit the local animal petting zoo. He was of course quite fond of the pets, but it was the daughter of the zoo keeper who held his fancy. 

She was a sparkling girl, whose gentle eyes and kind nature soothed his restless soul. However, he was so shy, that for many months she was scarcely aware of his presence. In time, she began to regard him kindly, and to encourage his visits, she would leave small bags of millet on the family doorstep so he might come and quietly feed the animals by her side. Their friendship blossomed and their affection for each other soon grew apparent.

It was therefore with great dismay that he arrived one day to find her weeping over the body of her favorite deer. It had been unfortunately beheaded when the barn’s copper weather vane was struck by lightening and it came crashing to the barnyard, slicing cleanly through the young buck’s neck. 

Without a second thought, Meister Tier Verstärken scooped the hapless creature up in his arms and swept it back to his workshop where he performed a most curious surgery that was heralded by his beloved (and her father) as a remarkable achievement. Despite the advanced nature of his work, it was considered too macabre and sadly never caught on with mainstream society.

~

If you’d like for Meister Tier Verstärken to quietly spend time with your family pets, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.

via Ransom & Mitchell

Kapitän NullFreund & Fräulein Liebling portrayed by Alex Pardee & Chloe Rice
Kapitän NullFreund was a curmudgeonly sea dog, who was excessively disgruntled and exacerbated by the small minded thinkers of his day. He spent countless years alone, surveying & studying great sea beasts convinced they were a misunderstood lot. He even went so far as to breed a few hybrids to prove they would make dashing pets and companions. Sadly, their temperaments were often a mirror of his own and it was quite unfortunate for the townspeople how many escaped into the local waterways. 
When not out at sea, he spent many reclusive days locked in a nautically inspired tower within the family home. The room, filled with multiple breeding tanks of sea creatures, was damp with salt air  which caused the ceiling pipes to rust and constantly leak water from above. Needless to say, this furthered his malcontented demeanor. 
The only thing that gave him happiness was the affection he felt for his fair love, Fräulein Liebling. He would happily steal away to her secret garden to spend time with her. He was so vexed by her grace that when he was with her all his troubles melted away.
Prior to meeting Kapitän NullFreund, Fräulein Liebling had circled the globe as a free-spirit cartoonist, dancer, photographer, hot-air balloon seamstress, carnivorous plant horticulturist, ventriloquist, spirit median, snake charmer, deep sea pearl diver, cryptologist and dog groomer. 
Yet she was never content. 
That all changed the day the Kapitän saved her from certain death when her boat capsized in the Bering Sea. She had been transcribing the songs of a pod of Beluga Whales when a young, frisky calf, enamored by her charms bucked her boat and sent her spilling into the icy waters. It was NullFreund’s quick gaffing skills that scooped her onto his deck. 
They soon fell in love and he brought her to his home in Germany to live. 
It was to the great delights of both Kapitän NullFreund and Fräulein Liebling to learn that they each had finally found security and peace when in each others embrace. Yet, even living in the same household, they could not bear to be apart. Despite their vast differences they constantly longed for each other. 
It was her deft sewing skills that solved this dilemma when one day she proposed they make their attachment more permanent. They thus became the first (and last) non-related, conjoined twins ever. Needless to say, their influence was far reaching. 
The local townspeople upon seeing them, would oft mutter the curious incantation, “Für die Liebe der Seltsamen Zwillinge!” (For the love of the Strange Twins).  
Additionally, their deep love inspired many conjoined twins who were born in subsequent years to eschew the modern scientific conventions of separation. It proved quite true, that two is better than one. 
~
If you’d like Kapitän NullFreund and/or Fräulein Liebling to share their loving ways in your own home, please visit ZeroFriends for prints.
via Ransom & Mitchell Kapitän NullFreund & Fräulein Liebling portrayed by Alex Pardee & Chloe Rice
Kapitän NullFreund was a curmudgeonly sea dog, who was excessively disgruntled and exacerbated by the small minded thinkers of his day. He spent countless years alone, surveying & studying great sea beasts convinced they were a misunderstood lot. He even went so far as to breed a few hybrids to prove they would make dashing pets and companions. Sadly, their temperaments were often a mirror of his own and it was quite unfortunate for the townspeople how many escaped into the local waterways. 
When not out at sea, he spent many reclusive days locked in a nautically inspired tower within the family home. The room, filled with multiple breeding tanks of sea creatures, was damp with salt air  which caused the ceiling pipes to rust and constantly leak water from above. Needless to say, this furthered his malcontented demeanor. 
The only thing that gave him happiness was the affection he felt for his fair love, Fräulein Liebling. He would happily steal away to her secret garden to spend time with her. He was so vexed by her grace that when he was with her all his troubles melted away.
Prior to meeting Kapitän NullFreund, Fräulein Liebling had circled the globe as a free-spirit cartoonist, dancer, photographer, hot-air balloon seamstress, carnivorous plant horticulturist, ventriloquist, spirit median, snake charmer, deep sea pearl diver, cryptologist and dog groomer. 
Yet she was never content. 
That all changed the day the Kapitän saved her from certain death when her boat capsized in the Bering Sea. She had been transcribing the songs of a pod of Beluga Whales when a young, frisky calf, enamored by her charms bucked her boat and sent her spilling into the icy waters. It was NullFreund’s quick gaffing skills that scooped her onto his deck. 
They soon fell in love and he brought her to his home in Germany to live. 
It was to the great delights of both Kapitän NullFreund and Fräulein Liebling to learn that they each had finally found security and peace when in each others embrace. Yet, even living in the same household, they could not bear to be apart. Despite their vast differences they constantly longed for each other. 
It was her deft sewing skills that solved this dilemma when one day she proposed they make their attachment more permanent. They thus became the first (and last) non-related, conjoined twins ever. Needless to say, their influence was far reaching. 
The local townspeople upon seeing them, would oft mutter the curious incantation, “Für die Liebe der Seltsamen Zwillinge!” (For the love of the Strange Twins).  
Additionally, their deep love inspired many conjoined twins who were born in subsequent years to eschew the modern scientific conventions of separation. It proved quite true, that two is better than one. 
~
If you’d like Kapitän NullFreund and/or Fräulein Liebling to share their loving ways in your own home, please visit ZeroFriends for prints.
via Ransom & Mitchell Kapitän NullFreund & Fräulein Liebling portrayed by Alex Pardee & Chloe Rice
Kapitän NullFreund was a curmudgeonly sea dog, who was excessively disgruntled and exacerbated by the small minded thinkers of his day. He spent countless years alone, surveying & studying great sea beasts convinced they were a misunderstood lot. He even went so far as to breed a few hybrids to prove they would make dashing pets and companions. Sadly, their temperaments were often a mirror of his own and it was quite unfortunate for the townspeople how many escaped into the local waterways. 
When not out at sea, he spent many reclusive days locked in a nautically inspired tower within the family home. The room, filled with multiple breeding tanks of sea creatures, was damp with salt air  which caused the ceiling pipes to rust and constantly leak water from above. Needless to say, this furthered his malcontented demeanor. 
The only thing that gave him happiness was the affection he felt for his fair love, Fräulein Liebling. He would happily steal away to her secret garden to spend time with her. He was so vexed by her grace that when he was with her all his troubles melted away.
Prior to meeting Kapitän NullFreund, Fräulein Liebling had circled the globe as a free-spirit cartoonist, dancer, photographer, hot-air balloon seamstress, carnivorous plant horticulturist, ventriloquist, spirit median, snake charmer, deep sea pearl diver, cryptologist and dog groomer. 
Yet she was never content. 
That all changed the day the Kapitän saved her from certain death when her boat capsized in the Bering Sea. She had been transcribing the songs of a pod of Beluga Whales when a young, frisky calf, enamored by her charms bucked her boat and sent her spilling into the icy waters. It was NullFreund’s quick gaffing skills that scooped her onto his deck. 
They soon fell in love and he brought her to his home in Germany to live. 
It was to the great delights of both Kapitän NullFreund and Fräulein Liebling to learn that they each had finally found security and peace when in each others embrace. Yet, even living in the same household, they could not bear to be apart. Despite their vast differences they constantly longed for each other. 
It was her deft sewing skills that solved this dilemma when one day she proposed they make their attachment more permanent. They thus became the first (and last) non-related, conjoined twins ever. Needless to say, their influence was far reaching. 
The local townspeople upon seeing them, would oft mutter the curious incantation, “Für die Liebe der Seltsamen Zwillinge!” (For the love of the Strange Twins).  
Additionally, their deep love inspired many conjoined twins who were born in subsequent years to eschew the modern scientific conventions of separation. It proved quite true, that two is better than one. 
~
If you’d like Kapitän NullFreund and/or Fräulein Liebling to share their loving ways in your own home, please visit ZeroFriends for prints.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Kapitän NullFreund & Fräulein Liebling portrayed by Alex Pardee & Chloe Rice

Kapitän NullFreund was a curmudgeonly sea dog, who was excessively disgruntled and exacerbated by the small minded thinkers of his day. He spent countless years alone, surveying & studying great sea beasts convinced they were a misunderstood lot. He even went so far as to breed a few hybrids to prove they would make dashing pets and companions. Sadly, their temperaments were often a mirror of his own and it was quite unfortunate for the townspeople how many escaped into the local waterways. 

When not out at sea, he spent many reclusive days locked in a nautically inspired tower within the family home. The room, filled with multiple breeding tanks of sea creatures, was damp with salt air  which caused the ceiling pipes to rust and constantly leak water from above. Needless to say, this furthered his malcontented demeanor. 

The only thing that gave him happiness was the affection he felt for his fair love, Fräulein Liebling. He would happily steal away to her secret garden to spend time with her. He was so vexed by her grace that when he was with her all his troubles melted away.

Prior to meeting Kapitän NullFreund, Fräulein Liebling had circled the globe as a free-spirit cartoonist, dancer, photographer, hot-air balloon seamstress, carnivorous plant horticulturist, ventriloquist, spirit median, snake charmer, deep sea pearl diver, cryptologist and dog groomer. 

Yet she was never content. 

That all changed the day the Kapitän saved her from certain death when her boat capsized in the Bering Sea. She had been transcribing the songs of a pod of Beluga Whales when a young, frisky calf, enamored by her charms bucked her boat and sent her spilling into the icy waters. It was NullFreund’s quick gaffing skills that scooped her onto his deck. 

They soon fell in love and he brought her to his home in Germany to live. 

It was to the great delights of both Kapitän NullFreund and Fräulein Liebling to learn that they each had finally found security and peace when in each others embrace. Yet, even living in the same household, they could not bear to be apart. Despite their vast differences they constantly longed for each other. 

It was her deft sewing skills that solved this dilemma when one day she proposed they make their attachment more permanent. They thus became the first (and last) non-related, conjoined twins ever. Needless to say, their influence was far reaching. 

The local townspeople upon seeing them, would oft mutter the curious incantation, “Für die Liebe der Seltsamen Zwillinge!” (For the love of the Strange Twins).  

Additionally, their deep love inspired many conjoined twins who were born in subsequent years to eschew the modern scientific conventions of separation. It proved quite true, that two is better than one. 

~

If you’d like Kapitän NullFreund and/or Fräulein Liebling to share their loving ways in your own home, please visit ZeroFriends for prints.

via Ransom & Mitchell

Sir Gruselig von Grab portrayed by Quake
Sir NullFreund was an enigma. He was both charismatic and secretive. He was expressive, yet discrete. His work as the groundskeeper for the local cemetery that bordered the NullFreund family estate was widely known and the care he afforded the ancient graveyard was well respected. Curiously, he seemed to work only at night and much of his time spent during the day remains a mystery. 
When locals would visit the resting place of their loved ones during the sunlight hours, they might find fresh flowers or a keepsake that held an unmistakable tie to the grave dwellers former life. Though nothing ever disingenuous was ever found, most regarded Sir NullFreund with an uneasy regard reserved for the likes of snakes and spiders lurking in the grass. It was widely understood to not visit the graveyard after dusk and it is no wonder the villagers referred to Sir NullFreund as Sir Gruselig von Grab (Sir Creepy from the Grave).
Throughout the years, a strange green glow was reported hovering in the moonlit cemetery on more than one occasion. However, there are no records of anyone venturing into the mist to determine its source (or possibly if they did, they did not return to tell their tale). 
No photographs exist that portray his actual features as he refused to sit for a formal studio portrait. Yet when interviewed, descendants of the original townsfolk can still vividly describe how Sir Gruselig von Grab made their ancestors feel.
Additionally, no one knows when Sir Gruselig von Grab officially died. Rumors that he continues his work as the grave keeper continue to this very day. 
~
If you’d like to find Sir Gruselig von Grab haunting the dark corners of your home, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell Sir Gruselig von Grab portrayed by Quake
Sir NullFreund was an enigma. He was both charismatic and secretive. He was expressive, yet discrete. His work as the groundskeeper for the local cemetery that bordered the NullFreund family estate was widely known and the care he afforded the ancient graveyard was well respected. Curiously, he seemed to work only at night and much of his time spent during the day remains a mystery. 
When locals would visit the resting place of their loved ones during the sunlight hours, they might find fresh flowers or a keepsake that held an unmistakable tie to the grave dwellers former life. Though nothing ever disingenuous was ever found, most regarded Sir NullFreund with an uneasy regard reserved for the likes of snakes and spiders lurking in the grass. It was widely understood to not visit the graveyard after dusk and it is no wonder the villagers referred to Sir NullFreund as Sir Gruselig von Grab (Sir Creepy from the Grave).
Throughout the years, a strange green glow was reported hovering in the moonlit cemetery on more than one occasion. However, there are no records of anyone venturing into the mist to determine its source (or possibly if they did, they did not return to tell their tale). 
No photographs exist that portray his actual features as he refused to sit for a formal studio portrait. Yet when interviewed, descendants of the original townsfolk can still vividly describe how Sir Gruselig von Grab made their ancestors feel.
Additionally, no one knows when Sir Gruselig von Grab officially died. Rumors that he continues his work as the grave keeper continue to this very day. 
~
If you’d like to find Sir Gruselig von Grab haunting the dark corners of your home, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.
via Ransom & Mitchell

Sir Gruselig von Grab portrayed by Quake

Sir NullFreund was an enigma. He was both charismatic and secretive. He was expressive, yet discrete. His work as the groundskeeper for the local cemetery that bordered the NullFreund family estate was widely known and the care he afforded the ancient graveyard was well respected. Curiously, he seemed to work only at night and much of his time spent during the day remains a mystery. 

When locals would visit the resting place of their loved ones during the sunlight hours, they might find fresh flowers or a keepsake that held an unmistakable tie to the grave dwellers former life. Though nothing ever disingenuous was ever found, most regarded Sir NullFreund with an uneasy regard reserved for the likes of snakes and spiders lurking in the grass. It was widely understood to not visit the graveyard after dusk and it is no wonder the villagers referred to Sir NullFreund as Sir Gruselig von Grab (Sir Creepy from the Grave).

Throughout the years, a strange green glow was reported hovering in the moonlit cemetery on more than one occasion. However, there are no records of anyone venturing into the mist to determine its source (or possibly if they did, they did not return to tell their tale). 

No photographs exist that portray his actual features as he refused to sit for a formal studio portrait. Yet when interviewed, descendants of the original townsfolk can still vividly describe how Sir Gruselig von Grab made their ancestors feel.

Additionally, no one knows when Sir Gruselig von Grab officially died. Rumors that he continues his work as the grave keeper continue to this very day. 

~

If you’d like to find Sir Gruselig von Grab haunting the dark corners of your home, you may purchase prints at ZeroFriends.

via Ransom & Mitchell

The now infamous ”die Familie NullFreundlich” was unearthed five years ago in a musty attic scattered with forlorn toys and abandoned Polaroids. In an attempt to bring order to my parents crumbling Southern mansion, I traveled home and spent three days trying to make sense of the overgrown jungle that was my family’s collective past. Boxes upon boxes were opened and inspected. The contents cleaned and organized or unceremoniously discarded. Most of the contents, though charmingly nostalgic, held little surprise. It was therefore an unexpected discovery to come upon an aged box that contained a curious selection of Edwardian era ephemera, photos, letters, clippings, and objects. They were apparently all from a single family, who’s occupations and proclivities were highly unusual and rather disturbing.

I was quite puzzled and quizzed my parents about this strange find. After a bit of head scratching, they recalled an elderly friend, Gertrude* whom they had helped move into a nursing home. The box had fallen into her care from a deceased relative, a first generation German immigrant. Gertrude had the box for over fifty years and since it had held so much sentimental value, my parents promised to keep it in good stead. When I discovered the box, she had been dead for over 15 years. Alas, she was the sole survivor of her lineage and thus the box languished in my parents attic until I came upon it.

The contents (which will be revealed in due time) were beyond my comprehension. The collection of artifacts so strange they left me wondering what was fact and what was conjecture. I spent time through the years trying to follow the strings back to the old country where the contents of this box originated. With some effort I was able to trace back to a region outside a small German town and ascertained more about this abnormal clan.** It would seem they had become quite infamous amongst the wary, simple townsfolk of the day and many of the tales were those of fearful conjecture. None the less, it had become clear to me, that “die Familie” was the stuff of legend.

This brood of misfits bound by blood haunted me. I began to write down their tales in an attempt to honor their past and to preserve it for others. Whether anyone would ever believe me was quite inconsequential. It just simply needed to be done.

Recently, it dawned on me that the artist collective known as ZeroFriends bore an uncanny resemblance to this family of yesteryear. My partner in crime, Jason Mitchell & I approached each of the ZeroFriend “family” of Alex Pardee, Dave Correia, Robert Bowen, Quake, Chloe RiceSkinner and Jonathan Wayshak to ask if they would collaborate with us to create a series of reenactment photos. To our great pleasure they all whole-heartedly agreed and it is their partnership of both heart and mind that has allowed the unbelievable truths to be revealed.

We feel strongly that “die Familie NullFreundlich,” despite their strangeness to the so-called normal world, deserves to be celebrated and honored. They have crossed our paths and cut a slash across our hearts that has marked us forever. We have grown to admire their peculiar predilections and feverishly agree that blood is in fact, tastier than water.

- Stacey Ransom, of Ransom & Mitchell

The legal stuff we must say to avoid lecherous vultures of prey. (You know who you are.) It’s worth noting that all characters appearing in this series are mostly fictitious. Any actual resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is an alarming coincidence and is terribly unfortunate.

* Her name has been changed to protect her privacy
** The name of this town has been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent

Onkel Oskar’s Sauerbraten Stew was legendary.

Oma served the most delightful pastries.

For years, they were troubled by sleepwalking.